Revised example essay

I would just like to say thank you to those who read my blog and gave me critical but very helpful advise and comments on my example essay...I am reposting the revised essay and I hope the two people who read it and helped me will reread it. Thanks!!!!!!!!!

Sibling Rivalry-------example essay REVISED!!!!

Sibling rivalry is found in any home with more than one child and can start as
soon as the second child is born due to jealousy of the amount of time and attention
parents give the new arrival. The sibling rivalry can also be delayed which is what
happened with our family. The delay in sibling rivalry was most likely due to the gender
order of birth with a daughter first, Gabriele followed by two boys, Travis and Mitchell.

Gabriele being three years older settled into the “big sister” role fairly easily after
Travis was born. She frequently wanted to give him a bottle, change his clothes and rock
him. The household was peaceful and free from the sibling rivalry until Travis was 1 ½
years old which is when Mitchell was born and the sibling rivalry began, at least between
brothers, with Travis bidding for attention. Travis was off the bottle, however when his
younger brother was born he felt it necessary to take his bottle for himself, telling us he
was just trying to help feed the baby or he was just bringing it to me. The infant cradle
was entirely to small for Travis but this is where he wanted to sleep since his baby
brother got to sleep there.

At this time Gabriele was still playing the “big sister” role with Mitchell but it
seemed Travis was caught in the middle with the sibling rivalry on both sides of him,
coming from his older sister and him passing it down to his new baby brother. Gabriele,
Travis and Mitchell could have been and still could be the poster children for sibling
rivalry and they are no different from any other siblings. The sibling rivalry was part of
daily life.

In the early preschool and elementary years the rivalry was as simple as who was
going to be “the banker” in a game of Monopoly or which chair each of them sat in
to watch TV. Gabriele being the oldest thought she should be“the banker” and of
course, Travis being the oldest boy thought it should be his job to be “the banker”. Not
taking sides, not jumping to conclusion, to be fair and because I enjoyed it, I usually
ended up sitting on the floor with them doing the banker’s job myself. Taking turns was
an option but that lead to more rivalry because they were rarely happy with how the other
one was counting the money. When the rivalry started about which chair each of them sat
in while watching TV they of course all wanted the same chair. To be fair they ended up
sitting on the floor.

With an age difference of only 14 months it seemed the rivalry never ended
between Travis and Mitchell. Starting with the bottle and cradle incidents and moving on
to toy trucks, cars or building blocks. They took a truck from the other ones pile or
knocked over the other ones fort they had built out of the blocks. Gabriele and Mitchell
had very few rivalry moments because she still thought of him as “the baby” or “her
baby” and he usually got his way, until it was time to take a trip in the car. The rivalry
began as we walked out the door when all of them shouted, “I have shotgun” which
meant they wanted to sit in the front seat.

As they all got older the sibling rivalry was still present but on a new level. When
Gabriele started to drive and had a curfew, her favorite statement was “I bet Travis and
Mitchell won’t have to be home this early” or “Travis and Mitchell are going to get to go
where ever they want”. Now that Travis is driving, his favorite thing to bring up is that
Gabriele did not have to call and check in when she started driving or she had a better car
then he does. Travis and Mitchell now rival about who is going to take out the trash,
who is going to cut the grass or who has the coolest friends. Gabriele still considers
Mitchell as “the baby” and he still gets his way with her most of the time.

Sibling rivalry is not a “new” concept it has been around since the beginning of
time, Cain and Abel to be exact. Sibling rivalry can even be found in fairy tales,
Cinderella and the step-sisters for example. Sibling rivalry has not changed much and still
exists all you need is a two or more children home. With more than two siblings all of
them may not have a rivalry. It may be that they rival with one sibling but not all of them.

As the mother of three children I have often made the statement, “I wish I could
find a cure for sibling rivalry and bottle it, I could make a fortune”. But sibling rivalry is
a competition. Competition has been labeled as a “good thing”, but in reality competition
is necessary and a part of life, just as sibling rivalry is necessary and a part of life. There
are various reasons why sibling rivalry exists, to get attention, to find their role in the
home, fear and jealousy are a few reasons. As long as families have more than one
child sibling rivalry will continue. The age and/or gender of the siblings does not really
make the rivalry better or worse, two or more brothers, two or more sisters or a brother
and a sister, it is all the same. However, the gender order could postpone the sibling
rivalry for a year or two.

example essay

Sibling Rivalry

Gabriele, Travis and Mitchell could be the poster children for sibling rivalry.

During the time right after Gabriele’s brothers were born, she adored them and being

three years older she settled into the “big sister” role fairly easily. She always wanted to

give them a bottle, change their clothes and rock them. Everything was great until Travis

was about three years old and Mitchell was about two years old. This is when the sibling

rivalry “tug of war” began.

Gabriele, Travis and Mitchell are not different from any other siblings, the rivalry

is part of daily life. In the early preschool and elementary years the rivalry was as simple

as who was going to be “the banker” in a game of Monopoly or which chair each of them

would sit in to watch TV. Gabriele being the oldest always thought she should get to be

“the banker” and of course, Travis being the oldest boy thought it should be his job to be

“the banker”. Taking turns was an option but that lead to more rivalry because they were

never happy with how the other one was doing it. I usually ended up sitting on the floor

with them doing the banker’s job. When the rivalry would start about which chair each of

them sat in while watching TV, it was the same as the Monopoly game except they were

the ones who ended up sitting on the floor.

Travis and Mitchell being only 14 months apart always had the rivalry going on,

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usually over toy trucks, cars and/or blocks. Each of them taking a truck from the other

ones pile or knocking over the other ones fort they had built out of the blocks. Gabriele

and Mitchell had very few rivalry moments because she still thought of him as “the baby”

or “her baby” and he usually got his way, until it was time to take a trip in the car. The

rivalry would begin as we walked out the door with all of them shouting, “I have

shotgun” which meant they wanted to sit in the front seat.

As they all got older the sibling rivalry was still present but on a new level. When

Gabriele started driving and had a curfew, her favorite statement was “I bet Travis and

Mitchell won’t have to be home this early” or “Travis and Mitchell are going to get to go

where ever they want”. Now that Travis is driving, his favorite thing to bring up is that

Gabriele did not have to call and check in when she started driving or she had a better car

than he does. Travis and Mitchell now rival about who is going to take out the trash,

who is going to cut the grass or who has the coolest friends. Gabriele still considers

Mitchell as “the baby” and he still gets his way with her most of the time.

Rivalry between siblings is not a “new” concept it has been around since the

beginning of time, Cain and Abel to be exact. Unlike everything else, it has not changed

much, sibling rivalry still exists all you need are the siblings. The age and/or gender of

the siblings does not really make the rivalry better or worse, two or more brothers, two or

more sisters or a brother and a sister, it is all the same. With more then two siblings all of

them may not have a rivalry. It may be that they rival with one sibling but not all of them.

As a parent of siblings I have often made the statement, “I wish I could find a cure

for sibling rivalry and bottle it, I could make a fortune”. But I also like to think of sibling

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rivalry as competition. Competition has been labeled as a “good thing”, but in reality

competition is a necessity, just as sibling rivalry is a necessity. To get attention, to find

their place in the home, to build individual personalities and because it is plain human

nature are various reasons why we have sibling rivalry.

Goodmorning, I have had a busy weekend. We had a family reunion on Saturday. There was a lot of food, fried chicken, vegetables, casseroles, salads and an entire table full of desserts. After everyone ate and the food was put away, the guitars were brought out and we all sang different songs from gospel to country and even a little old rock. It was also great to see everyone especially those that I have not seen since last family reunion. On Sunday afternoon I went to a Tastefully Simple party were you sample different types of food, dips, sauces, seasonings, breads and sweets. I am ready for another weekend since this last one was so full. I hope everyone has a great week!!! 

CHALLENGES I FACED WITH MY COMPOSITION

Since my composition was based on a real life experience and real feelings it was very hard to put those feelings to paper without sounding like a "mother" just rambling about her child. I wanted people to be able to feel the way the atmosphere, room and attitudes were without leaving out how the emotional stress was intesified. I hope and I believe I accomplished this, though it was difficult. My second challenge was just simply the subject itself. I enjoy talking and writing about my son and his journey through cancer but my feelings are still very raw were this is concerned, I cried everytime I worked on the composition. My friends and family tell me those are cleansing tears and I believe them because I always feel better AFTER talking/writing about it.

Reading other's blogs was very enjoyable to me. I was able to invision and feel there experience. It showed me just how different we all really are. I do not think I read any two papers that consisted of the same information or experience. I also think it makes me realize my errors as I read other compositions and could see how things were worded or discribed. There were a couple of compositions I read that really just did not understand, however those were words, sentences and paragraphs from someone elses heart and mind. Even though I did not understand them I am glad I read them.

I was shocked at the responses I received on my blog about my composition. It is truly emotional to write but it is something much deeper when you know others read your writings and enjoyed them or even did not enjoy them, but they took the time to read them.

Hope everyone has a great week,
Mimo

We, my family and I, Had a great Labor Day weekend...we did not do alot but spend time together but that was great and what we needed. We cleaned up the yard, watched TV, boiled peanuts, grilled chicken and hamburgers, watched the Bulldogs lose and watched the first Nascar night race in Atlanta. Now the week begins with school and getting back into a routine. I have my first college exam on Thursday and I am a little nervous... I know the material(or I think I do) but well I am still nervous. I hope everyone had a great weekend and have had a great start to a new week.
MIMO

Michele Mock

Mrs. S. Aiken

English 1101 – Descriptive Essay

September 2, 2009


RECEIVING BAD NEWS

Taking a trip around the world would have been quicker than the drive from the doctor’s office to the hospital, though they were only three blocks apart. The boy had a vampire’s complexion as well as the feeling and symptoms of having the stomach flu. We were sent to have more extensive testing done, CT scans, blood work as well as to get medications for the unstoppable and uncontrollable nausea. 

As we walked into the already claustrophobic room it seemed to burst at the seams. Machines were brought in by the nurses and techs, along with all the family members who squeezed into every inch of space still available. The mix of aftershaves, perfumes and antiseptic cleaner made me nauseated, although it could have also been the fear of the unknown. The tick of the clock on the wall keeping time with the hum of the IV and the buzz that came from all the chatter of the visitors would have made a football arena seem quieter. When the boy stretched out into the bed it was still enormous in the cramped space. A dump truck parked in a Volvo parking space had nothing on the bed in this room. The boy was of larger build than most kids his age of thirteen years but his size still had an opposite effect; he looked much smaller in comparison, a flea on a queen size mattress.

It was an orchestra out of tune with the tick tick tick of the clock, the steady hum of the IV, chatter and TV. The carefully choreographed shift change of the nurses came and went along with most of the family members and other visitors. The air began to thin and breathing became unlabored. I was the only one to stay since the immediate danger had been resolved, still serious but not life threatening, when the ideas and diagnoses started to filter in from the nurses.

Sitting in the small room with him was serene almost too peaceful, mother and child bonding as if he were a new born. I washed his face with a cool rag and held his hand that was soft and warm. We talked endlessly about what was playing on TV and the fun he had on his hunting trip with his brother and dad. Since my mind was full of many what ifs, the conversation was a monolog by him as I tried to input the correct oh, okay and that’s neat were it should go. With him drifting off to sleep the tick tick ticking of the clock and hum of the IV became deafening.

The turn of the door knob finally broke into the stillness as his doctor walked in with sleepless eyes and shoulders that belonged to an elderly woman suffering from many years of scoliosis. Even the tick of the clock seemed to cease with fear of what was coming with the entrance of this frail and unknowing doctor who just yesterday could have played quarterback on any football team. The silence was finally broken by words that never should have to be spoken, “mom, can I speak to you outside for a moment”. The ever silence returned except for the screaming, it took me a second to realize it was me screaming in my head. My book fell to the floor, mouth and eyes wide with fright from what had not yet been spoken but was so evident it was more frightening then any horror movie ever made. The bile rose into my throat.

With a face of someone who just won the lottery and a Mona Lisa smile gone awry , I walked back into the room to tell my son I had to go down stairs and call his dad. He had the same deer caught in headlights stare, but even more disturbing was the underlying fear and terror, almost bed of nails torture, on his face. I reassured him as best I could but he was very observant, one who knows when a knick knack has been moved or removed from a shelf, his only words were “I know it cannot be good because doctors on TV never call you out of the room for good news”. Goose bumps raised the hair on the nape of my neck as I left the room to make the call. I could have committed murder, adultery even the sin of death and not felt as selfish or as guilty for not telling him the truth immediately.

When his dad arrived back at the hospital we decided to tell our son what was going on, knowing the end of the world was coming would have been easier. As we told our son he had a malignant brain tumor the terror and fear begin to melt like butter from his face. The now one-year-old face looking at me was almost more then I could bear. His words were inspiring, “its okay, now we know and we can get through it whatever it takes”. Even though we all knew we had a very long road ahead of us the room suddenly became larger, lighter and energetic as I realized the sounds I heard was laughter coming from my son, his dad and even myself. We hugged and just held each other the warmth of our skin and the beating of our hearts was comforting. The last of his words became our motto for the entire family “whatever it takes”.